


Keeping Score

by Lynge



Series: I'm stuck with these Chucklefucks [6]
Category: Wiedźmin | The Witcher (Video Game), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types, Wiedźmin | The Witcher Series - Andrzej Sapkowski
Genre: Banter, Bipolar Aiden (The Witcher), M/M, Trans Aiden (The Witcher), Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-06
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:34:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26862217
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lynge/pseuds/Lynge
Summary: Sitting on a tree stump, Aiden was writing something in the journal he carried. Lambert tried sneaking up to him from behind. A moment before he could poke Aiden in the ribs, the cat softly murmured, "You're improving. But I can hear your heartbeat." He kept scribbling, "Humans or less intelligent monsters would have probably been caught unaware. Nice try, though. I'd give it a score of six out of ten."---Aiden takes a break to update the route they're taking west. Fluffy banter, that's basically what this is. Fluffy. Banter.CW and credits in the end notes
Relationships: Aiden/Lambert (The Witcher)
Series: I'm stuck with these Chucklefucks [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1869061
Comments: 19
Kudos: 47
Collections: Witcher Rarepair Discord Collection





	Keeping Score

Sitting on a tree stump, Aiden was writing something in the journal he carried. Lambert tried sneaking up to him from behind. A moment before he could poke Aiden in the ribs, the cat softly murmured, "You're improving. But I can hear your heartbeat." He kept scribbling, "Humans or less intelligent monsters would have probably been caught unaware. Nice try, though. I'd give it a score of six out of ten."

Lambert sighed. "So, I need to slow down my heartbeat? That'll be a challenge when you're near." He took his armor off and rested it, and his swords, against the stump. He tried to be less obvious in giving away his position. Which was more challenging than it appeared. Every little fucking blade of grass made noise, according to Aiden.

"I can also smell you coming. You know better than to approach upwind." Aiden rotated the book dipping his pen into the vial of dark blue ink on the stump next to him. He didn’t take his eyes off the pages.

Wondering what Aiden was doing, Lambert leaned his knees against the stump and nuzzled into the crook of Aiden's neck, trying to peer over his shoulder at the pages. He sucked at the cat's skin hard enough to leave a visible mark. The angle was off, and he couldn't tell what Aiden was scribbling down.

"Maybe I wanted you to know I was coming," Lambert whispered a moment before gently biting down on the shell of Aiden's ear.

With a sharp intake of air, Aiden let out a shuddering breath. "Do that again, and you've destroyed Novigrad." Aiden turned his head towards Lambert and saw the cocky, yet irresistible, smile on his face.

"Good, I hate that shithole anyway," Lambert sat down behind Aiden on the stump haphazardly, knocking over the vial of ink.

Aiden was just in time to snatch the small vial up before it plummeted into the grass. He gave the wolf an annoyed look, "This is my last vial of ink. And I am not above finishing this with your blood if you break it."

Ignoring Aiden's threat, Lambert glanced over his shoulder at the notebook. From here, he could see what Aiden was working on. It looked like a map of the western part of the Continent.

"Mapping out the journey?" Wrapping his arms around Aiden's waist, Lambert slipped one hand under Aiden's grey tunic, trailing his fingers through the soft hairs that covered his stomach. Lambert inhaled the cat's comforting scent. His other hand was resting on Aiden’s thigh.

Relaxing his chin on Aiden's shoulder, Lambert took a closer look at the journal. The bigger cities were marked, as well as some of the villages. Most places had a little drawing next to it. Kagan had a cross through it. Next to it, written in Aiden's neat cursive, was the word _Cockatrice._ It was followed by the number five.

The words tickled the back of Lambert's brain. He had the suspicion this wasn't just a map. Lambert's hands stopped in their tracks, much to Aiden's dismay, who let out a small whine. "What _exactly_ are you making?" Lambert asked inquisitively.

Aiden smirked, "You were right with the first guess. It's a map of our journey." He gave Lambert a challenging smirk. "And I've added some notes on where we've been and where we're going."

Lambert plucked the journal from Aiden's hands quickly. The cat's eyes widened in concern. "Careful, the ink isn't dry yet."

Getting up from the stump, Lambert gingerly turned the pages, making sure they didn't touch each other. He spotted more cities and towns on maps; Belhaven had the number one next to it and the word _Fistfight._ Dravograd had a sentence under it: _Pissed off (on?) Alderman_ and a question mark.

That's when it dawned on Lambert. "Hang on; these are all villages I told you about…" Lambert glanced down at Aiden in irritation. "Is this a fucking list of places I've had issues with?"

Aiden nodded gravely. "I thought I'd keep track of what places to avoid." Lambert looked peeved, flipping through the pages faster and taking in the notes and numbers jotted down.

"It's getting increasingly difficult to plan a route that doesn't take us to areas that have a noose with your name on it." Aiden smoothed a lock of hair behind his ear, trying not to laugh at the doubtful look on Lambert's face.

"Hypocrite," Lambert mumbled, weariness leaking into his voice.

"What? It's true." Raising a challenging brow, Aiden smiled sweetly at Lambert.

"It seems you have more difficulties with the truth than I do." Lambert had one hand on his hip while the other held the book open, waving it around for emphasis.

Aiden looked puzzled. "I've put every incident I know of in there."

Lambert scoffed. "No, you didn't. And that's why you're a hypocrite."

"There is _more?!_ " Aiden was unsure how a single man managed to cause so much mayhem.

"Oh, there's a whole _saga_ worth of my fuck ups that you haven't even touched on. But that's not what I'm talking about." The pages of the book were rustling with every movement Lambert made.

"Then what is the point? Do you want to go over every single conflict you've caused in the past sixty years?" Aiden was getting annoyed at the carelessness Lambert was waving the book around with. "Because I'm guessing I'd need to stock up on ink for that, unless you're offering up your blood straight away."

"It's an incomplete list, Aiden." Lambert sighed in exasperation. "But not because of me."

Lambert sat down on the stump and handed Aiden the volume, open on a page that had the Brokilon forest and its surrounding area on it. He tapped the page, pointing out a spot on the map. "Where's the note for Kernow?"

"You didn't do anything in Kern—," Aiden cut himself off. Realization set in, as he looked into Lambert's amused eyes. "—... ** _I_** did."

Raising a cocky brow, Lambert exaggerated a nod. "Exactly. You cheated hicks out of their coin, and we ended up having to run. I didn't even get to have a fucking drink."

Aiden glanced at Lambert with a suggestive smirk. "I distinctly remember you getting _something_ out of it, though."

A rumbling laugh erupted from Lambert. Aiden loved Lambert's laughter; he didn't hear it nearly often enough.

Leaning forward, Aiden placed the book next to them and pulled Lambert closer, wrapping his arm around Lambert's shoulders. "I hate it when you have a point."

Lambert smirked, "It's unnerving, isn't it." Lambert shifted position and cupped Aiden's jaw, feeling the soft stubble under his thumb. "I won't do it too often."

"I don't think you could, even if you tried." Aiden quipped. It earned him a grin from Lambert, who locked his lips to Aiden's.

When Lambert drew back, he gave Aiden a disappointed look. "I'm shocked that you think the cockatrice debacle in Kagan is worth only five points. It was spectacularly horrible. The smithy lost a finger." Lambert sounded sincere, but the glint in his eyes gave away that he wasn't too worried about it.

Aiden pulled away from Lambert with a questioning expression. "Points?"

"Yeah, the numbers next to the writing. I would give Kagan at least ten points." Lambert stroked his beard in thought and cocked his head. "Maybe even fifteen."

"Lambert, those aren't points. Those are the years I think we need to avoid the places!"

Lambert gave an indignant huff. "That's boring. Let's add your missteps and start keeping score instead. I'd say one point for Kernow."

"It's not a competition." Aiden grinned at Lambert, grabbing the book and his pen. "We are going to make _a lot_ of detours in the future, aren't we?"

Lambert chuckled, "I am pretty confident I can rack up the highest score."

Aiden didn't doubt it. He crossed out the number next to Kagen with a snort and wrote down ten in its stead. He flipped the pages and added a one to Kernow.

**Author's Note:**

> CW:  
> \- Cursing;  
> \---  
> Inspired by a sketch [ @jackofallplagues](https://mobile.twitter.com/jackofplagues) made of Aiden sitting on a tree stump:
> 
> \---  
> Want to know what incident in Kernow they're referring to? Check out [Lost a hand, Gave a Job.](https://archiveofourown.org/works/26820391) (E rating on that one)  
> \---  
>  _Kudo's and comments fuel my writing boner!_  
>  Beta-ed by [sohydrated](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sohydrated/pseuds/sohydrated/works). 


End file.
